i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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