hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
