she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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