Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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