my vag is so smooth its legendary
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
