so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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