I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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