After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
