There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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