I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
