That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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