I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
