I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
