Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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