Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
