It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
