Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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