i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
