fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
