How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
