Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
