New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
