She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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