you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
