i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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