So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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