mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
