yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
