p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have feelings that need drinking.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
