Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
