i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
