What did we do last night that was yellow?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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