Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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