Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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