I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
