I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
