i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
