quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
