a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
