both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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