No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
