Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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