come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
