too bad you live with your parents still
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
