This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
