What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
