youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
