Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
