Betty ford says i'm here all night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So gin and wine won't be happening again
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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