Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
