So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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