i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
