I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
